yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
