Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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