I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
