the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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