god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
