He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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