Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Randomize