You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
