I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
