when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
