You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
