Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
PS: I just woke up from my shower
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
