What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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