cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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