I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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