I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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