It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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