is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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