do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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