i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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