proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
