It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
