I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
