i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
