i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
