you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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