so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
