therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
