im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
