You smell like stripper and shame
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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