Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
