The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize