Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
