Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
