id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
