I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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