I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
