do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
