just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
