I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
