What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
