so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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