I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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