Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I understand Curling. That high.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize