We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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