And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Your penis caused this!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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