I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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