wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
