Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
