Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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