There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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