I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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