she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
