I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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