i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No subtext here. People are naked.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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