If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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