Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize