I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize