3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
