Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
