my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
