she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
