the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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