He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
