Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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