I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
