Yo dont text me then not text me
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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