your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She even gives head with a lisp.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
