so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
