I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
