he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My breasts were aching with rage.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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