sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
