I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
